Owning My Story
You would think that owning my story would be easy, right? I mean it’s mine. I lived it. It’s not like it is something I just heard as a story from someone else. But for me a lot of times stories are easier. Camelot? I can totally get behind that one. But my story? Not so much. I mean don’t get me wrong some days I rock and I own my shit. But that’s new for me. Because well, I can’t really talk about my life with out talking about the abuse and with that comes the shame. I spent the better part of my life making excuses for how poorly other people had lived their life and by extension messed mine up. It should be easy to look at someone and say “what you did was wrong and it damaged me.” It should be but it’s not.
I googled how to own your story. Seriously, I did. I google a lot of really basic things though. I google emotions a lot. Or the definitions of labels that are applied to emotions. I’ll look up things like safe and then secure because I mislabel emotions sometimes because of the abuse I suffered as a child and the 20 years I spent married to a gaslighting, abusive person. All of my therapists have told me it’s a miracle I’m alive. I’m not sure about that though because it would seem to me that a miraculous person would be able to own their story fairly easily. 😂 Mostly I think I was just lucky.
So Simply Soul Art is me at 52 trying to own my story. I hope that I can be a witness to you also owning yours. I truly believe that if I can make it okay for someone else to tell their story by telling mine then this panicky, sick feeling I get with telling mine will be worth it. Shame dies in the light and in the light is where I would like for all of us to be.