Owning my Story

Owning My Story

You would think that owning my story would be easy, right? I mean it’s mine. I lived it. It’s not like it is something I just heard as a story from someone else. But for me a lot of times stories are easier. Camelot? I can totally get behind that one. But my story? Not so much. I mean don’t get me wrong some days I rock and I own my shit. But that’s new for me. Because well, I can’t really talk about my life with out talking about the abuse and with that comes the shame. I spent the better part of my life making excuses for how poorly other people had lived their life and by extension messed mine up. It should be easy to look at someone and say “what you did was wrong and it damaged me.” It should be but it’s not. 
I googled how to own your story. Seriously, I did. I google a lot of really basic things though. I google emotions a lot. Or the definitions of labels that are applied to emotions. I’ll look up things like safe and then secure because I mislabel emotions sometimes because of the abuse I suffered as a child and the 20 years I spent married to a gaslighting, abusive person. All of my therapists have told me it’s a miracle I’m alive. I’m not sure about that though because it would seem to me that a miraculous person would be able to own their story fairly easily. 😂 Mostly I think I was just lucky.
So Simply Soul Art is me at 52 trying to own my story. I hope that I can be a witness to you also owning yours. I truly believe that if I can make it okay for someone else to tell their story by telling mine then this panicky, sick feeling I get with telling mine will be worth it. Shame dies in the light and in the light is where I would like for all of us to be. 

7 thoughts on “Owning my Story

  1. Hi Eva, you’re taking steps to owning your story and that’s what counts. I’ll be 48 this month, I left my narcissist 6 years ago. It took almost 2 years to get the courage up to do so as well as the means to do it. My mother was also a gaslighter and narcissist. I’m still learning how to own my story without the shame and guilt. It’s not easy by any means. You are brave and strong, be gentle with yourself. I know that is easier said than done some days. You can do this!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I only heard of gaslighting quite recently, it was like an epiphany… I’m still unravelling my past to figure out where I am in it all. Thanks for sharing your story, every time I read a post like this it gives me more courage to keep going.

    Liked by 2 people

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